intro to chivalrous baby

May 25, 2023, 3:47 AM 

I have so much anxiety right now. I am in a state where I am not identifying with it mentally, but it is rushing through my body. I smoked a lot of weed (I just re-upped) and hit Lou’s nicotine vape (vomit, I hate that I am picking up this habit after stopping drinking!) I had to turn off all sound, and music in particular, because my body is too susceptible to the varying energies, and I get even more anxiety. 

Turning off the music has helped. 

I threw away the vape. Sorry Lou. 

There is a moth in my kitchen, and I don’t want to deal with it right now, and I don’t want it to eat my clothes.

I went on a power walk with Momo for about 40 minutes, and I had a lot of cool thoughts. 

I think the expectations I put on myself this evening were either too much, or I just smoked too much weed and need to accept that I am no longer mentally or physically capable of accomplishing what I meant to do. 

Here are some things I accomplished today: 

My chores (dishes, tidying up my room, emptying out my purse and putting everything where it belongs, laid out my clothes) 

Made myself a healthy and delicious dinner (a Greek salad, and the lettuce was especially crisp)

Exercised and fed Momo 

Took my meds

Listened to a podcast episode about Edward Gorey 

Felt really cool and powerful walking the street and listening to disco music 

Worked my shift and did a thorough, excellent job; interacted happily with all of my coworkers

I love my chivalrous baby. 

He lets me suck the life force from him. 

Says I am torturing him, but even a tooth

Aches golden when supplemented with sex ,

Because the body is an altar, 

A banquet of pleasures, 

And worship is the snail in the garnish: 

The sexiest and most naked guest. 

I’m rambling again. 

Chivalrous baby is sucking the life force from me too.

/