emma

December 28, 2021

I’m dying to express myself sexually.

I miss Emma’s sexuality more than anyone else I’ve been with. It’s a part of me inside that I want to express. I don’t want to be her sexual counterpart—that would actually mute the parts of me that I love in her—but her jealousy, madness, and devoted nurturing resonate in me.

I want to throw a tantrum, clutch someone tightly against me and whisper lovely things and then scream and demand to be held. Then let go and sleep and wake intermittently with bits of my nakedness touching theirs.

Maybe I haven’t been needing an emotional connection so much as I need an adequate space to be erotic. But I feel the potential in me for romance and sexual desire to coalesce, but no one comes close to being that space for me.

I want to fuck a bunch of basic dudes and curse them with my memory.

I start my period tomorrow.

To Do:

• Find a home for Sibyl

• Send Everett a pink marble

• Find a temporary home for my cherished pieces of furniture and my library

• Create an optimally comfortable bed chamber for Momo

To injure with a long sword you have to wield your strike through steady momentum

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