apocalypse, girl

April 13, 2023

I’m listening to Jenny Hval’s album “Apocalypse, girl.” Everything she makes is beautiful and resonates with me in a familiar, spiritual, and hereditary way. I listen to her music when I do rituals like tarot and poetry, and I want to do mushrooms soon and listen to her. I need a couple more months of grounding, then a successful home mushroom trip and desert mushroom trip. 

A, Viking Man, Malibu Barbie and I all talked about a trip to Goblin Valley this Summer. Utah State Parks let you bring dogs, and A grows mushrooms. 

Today was mediocre.

I started my period and was irritable and had an annoying interaction with Antonio. I hate working with and for straight men. They lack empathy and interpersonal abilities. They lack creativity and taste, and the world is made for them, so all of these extremely bad qualities go unchecked and grow stronger like gross bacteria in a petri dish.

I want the end of my life to involve me slowly rotting and becoming insane with a group of trusted lady-witches out in the woods. Maybe one or two deeply worthy and trustworthy men. 

I want to spend the next 30 years of my life working hard, establishing a legacy of art and service, making love, becoming deeply acquainted with my sensuality, sexuality, spirituality, intellect, creativity, and connectedness to the rest of Nature and the Universe. Then in my retirement practicing witchcraft in a small house, supporting and being supported by a group of other witches as I slowly lose all connection with modern society.

I’d also like a time in my youth or mid-life to live alone in the country or in the woods, away from others. I’ve also considered establishing a routine of 3 weeks hard work in the city followed by 1 week of hiding away in the woods, camping and becoming an animal again. 

I am feeling more aware of my truest values right now. In particular, despite being in a developing romantic relationship/situation with Viking Man, I’m starting to see that what I mostly want out of life in terms of relationships is to be close with women only, with few exceptions.

I’m also feeling more motivated to stick to routine and take care of the grounding, base needs of my life, like my physical and mental health, my finances, protecting my time, controlling my thoughts to be more constructive to my success, going on trips, and overall exercising my will. 

I trust that the Universe supports me in this.

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