scorpio and synchronicities
April 17, 2023, 2:26 AM
Yesterday was a great and unusual day. I mistakenly walked to City Creek to get a dress and a bath bomb, forgetting that it was Sunday and they were closed, but I ran into a famous drag queen from Ru Paul’s Drag Race outside of Eccles Theater. She was so kind. Her boy name is Andrew.
I called Alexis to tell them about it and they invited me to his Stonewall kickball game. I ended up spending the entire day with them playing Pickleball. It’s basically small tennis, and I already am decent at tennis, so I picked it up quickly. It was incredible exercise.
M.G. also invited us to a party at their house, so we all went. I wore my pink Jeffrey Campbell platform boots, a black leotard, black thigh-high socks, and black feathered wings. We played Cards Against Humanity for a long time and watched SZA and Anni Lennox videos. Alexis recommended “Shea Butter Baby” so I’m going to listen to that as soon as possible.
I only had two drinks at the party, and I chose not to go out tonight, so I’m proud of myself.
I’m prioritizing discipline in my life right now, because I sense that it is a major blockage in my spiritual development. Since leaving Mormonism, discipline in particular, identifying my values and executing those values in the form of action, has been nearly non-existent in my life, and it’s caused a myriad of issues for me, not the least of which is a feeling of stagnation and disappointment in myself.
One of the ways I’m attempting to create a discipline muscle is by writing in diary on a daily basis, as well as interpreting my dreams through the lens of tarot as often as possible, and reading daily. I’ve been feeling sort of air-headed for awhile lately, and I’m trying to habitually do things that sharpen my brain and lengthen my attention span!
In particular I also want to take note of the magic that occurs in my life on a daily basis. I feel that yesterday was magical in the sense that I didn’t execute my original plan for my day, but I was still led by the universe—my darling Uni—into places and situations that were great for me.
One of those things was spending the whole day outside with Momo. She is such a perfect companion. She followed close behind me all day, and every person who asked about her, of which there were many, said that she was such a delight to be around. I even played pickleball in the courts, and she would stay close by me, wandering around the gates and staying within range of my eyesight. Sometimes I forget how wonderful my connection to her is. Every bit of energy I give to her I get back tenfold.
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There have been an excitingly large number of synchronicities and bits of magic in my day today.
I started reading a book called Sex Signs, which presents a psycho-astrological approach to sex, love, anger, power, etc. Almost no one came into the bar today, so I got to carve out a significant chunk of time to read. The last patron who visited the bar was a gay funeral director. He is currently separated from his husband and lives in an apartment above his funeral home, a building from the 1880s which was in bad shape until he and his son recently fixed it up. I’ve passed it a few times, and it is gorgeous. I spoke to him about his profession, and I told him that I’m studying to be in the death industry.
I told him about the dream I had in which I saw myself as a young girl with red hair healing a small group of mourners with her words.
Then later this evening, a few hours after this conversation, I was reading Sex Signs, and I found this exact phrase:
‘Scorpio can also work . . . well within the American “death industry.” She can be a good funeral parlor administrator, embalmer, counselor for the grieving, religious leader, or cultist. She can break through traditional notions of death and dying and share her own deep wisdom with others.’
!!!
The Scorpio chapter of the book also made reference to the wife from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf and the Queen of Hearts from “Alice in Wonderland,” the first of which is an insane comparison because of significance of me choosing to play that character in a reading with my ex-husband, Esme, and Jason at a point when my deepest resentments about my sexuality and emotion were boiling to the surface.
These are some of the take-aways I got from the chapter on the Scorpio “path” or “phase,” one which I connect to heavily and experience more than perhaps any other zodiac path, which makes sense given how Scorpio-heavy my chart is and how robust the placements of my planets in Scorpio are:
‘Her ultimate destiny is to transform and purify her love and her sexual nature, and if she finds her intensity being repressed in this area, she internalizes it and becomes physically ill.’
Some other deeply applicable quotes:
‘Scorpios must find a source of meaningful recognition outside of their romantic relationships, or they will grow extremely resentful, so competition, work, and serious study are excellent for preventing this and delegating energy that would otherwise be wasted to fruitful ventures.’
‘Scorpios are by nature drawn to sex, money, power, and death. Their calling is to be deeply familiar with these areas of life and represent them in new, better, mold-breaking ways. Personal power, sexual expression and healing, and a steward of earthly abundance.’
‘The Scorpio woman is fascinating but not always easy and likable.’
‘Scorpios will go through phases of sexual intimacy, domination, and asceticism more than once in their lifetimes. Scorpios may use sex as a means of gaining power, but it is most significant to them as a form of releasing sacred passions, or of worship.’
‘Scorpio naturally fabricates an elusive picture of themselves to others in order to remain unseen and secretive. Scorpio enjoys keeping secrets for the sake of secrecy.’
I need to go to bed soon, but I’d soon like to create mantras based on these things, with special focus on my intuitive and psychic abilities, my ability to gain power over money (King of Coins energy), and my emotional intensity (especially as it pertains to enacting my will and expressing my sexuality).
I also read the chapter on Libras, and while it didn’t connect with me nearly as much as the Scorpio chapter, I did relate to the comments about Libras essentially being divas, seeing themselves as “grand dames” and expecting to be treated as such by their romantic partners. The book also mentioned being artistic by nature and obsessively surrounding oneself with beautiful details.
Oh!
Another synchronicity: My Spotify playlist for spiritual practice and rituals led me to a song called “The Harbinger” from an album by Julianna Barwick called “Nepenthe.” This hearkened to an earlier comment in Sex Signs which stated that Scorpios are harbingers. I can’t remember the context in which it said Scorpios were harbingers, but it’s been a significantly long time since I’ve encountered that word, and it means, “something that foreshadows what is to come” or “one that initiates a major change : a person or thing that originates or helps open up a new activity, method, or technology.”
The only other time I’ve encountered the word “nepenthe” was in “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe. I dressed up as an unhinged dominatrix crow goddess last night, and it’s hilarious how on point that description is to everything Sex Signs had to say about Scorpios and their life paths.
This is all a lot to think about.
On Saturday night Viking Man and I saw the new Nicolas Cage movie Renfield, which was a great idea executed with mediocrity. We visited Water Witch afterward and drank cocktails, and then went back to my place and had sex. The next morning he told me he dreamed that we were spending time together and saw a big mushroom cloud in the distance, and then we started fucking until the cloud consumed us.
I obviously don’t know what that means entirely, but it does seem to indicate that fucking me and being fucked by me brings out a sense of no abandon for him. And that’s nice because it’s something I know I can contribute. It makes sense that he would be drawn to that in me, because in him I am drawn to the sense of comfort and safety he makes me feel.
That’s all for now. It feels nice to form my thoughts and feelings into words. My brain and I have become a lot more nonverbal lately, which is special and exciting, but I also want to maintain a more literal and not only poetic mastery of language.
May my dreams this evening be haunted by gorgeous and benevolent messengers of the Universe.
Thus is shall be, Amen.
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P.S. I had the idea for an inexpensive and gorgeous room project: printing off large letters that spell out my poems, cutting them out and covering my walls in them! I think it would be magical, especially if the extra special and symbolic words were larger. Maybe I’ll go to the library tomorrow after work and print them off.
I also need to clean, grab wine, acquire a Roku, and curl my hair. Viking is coming over, and we’re going to watch a horror movie double feature and talk about the direction our relationship is going to take.
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P.P.S. I had a sex dream about my manager last night. He had a huge cock and was edging me. I’m disgusted by him in real life, but somehow the dream made him more tolerable to me today? He is leaving for good in a month anyway, so whatever. Just goes to show that sometimes it is best to let things smooth over and take their own course (i.e. I’m glad I didn’t put myself in jeopardy by going to HR only to find out that he was going to leave anyway).
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